I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just pee around me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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