WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
