just tell him i said nine months
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
