how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
