Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
