genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When are your genitals available?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
