Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
