You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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