Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
