Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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