fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
