i permit you to call me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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