Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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