She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
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He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
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When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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