Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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