i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
