she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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