Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
