Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
