Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
