My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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