i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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