my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
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Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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