Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
