I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
