I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
