can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
