I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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