My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
