Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
