Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
