She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
