Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
