what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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