I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
