Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
