Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
