do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
