If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
