oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
