Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
