I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
