Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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