I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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