Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
