Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
