Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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