drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
"it" just moved
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
