I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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