Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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