why didn't you poke me back
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
