What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
