YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
