Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
