omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
