I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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