yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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