Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Randomize
