You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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