Cold hands, warm shart.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if only i could text you this smell
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
