btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
