for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
