I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
